Little things matter. Today, I arrive with my tear stained face, to my coffee shop. My spot where they know me. I go almost every day for a warm delicious cup of community, social structure, sameness, and reliability with whole milk. I often work there, especially in winter.
As I approach, I realize with relief that it’s the newish girl. I’m OK being tear stained with her. She won’t ask any hard questions. Our eyes meet, we exchange greetings.
“Hi, may I please have an 8 oz cafe ole?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Made it. Phew. She prepares my morning ritual of comfort, and I can see she’s creating something with the milk. Coffee art. When she slides it over to me, I look down into my cup at the unmistakable heart. I am touched. I look up with tearing eyes, and say a heartfelt thank you.
“You’re welcome,” she responds, looking into my eyes. Thank you new girl. You rocked my morning.
Hormones, disappointment, transition, confusion.
I have this amazing interview with Adhamh O’Broin that is fully produced and ready to go. I’m dying to share it with you guys. You’ll love it. It’s making has been an absolute journey: a learning process. A labor of love. Dedication to my own art, love of this project which is Outlander, and its people, them, you, me. Working it out with my family, following my gut, and paying for it all from our pockets. We can’t fund this work anymore, and it feels over before it’s started. This is a down day in the adventure, and I’m sharing it. Because it’s part of it, and it’s the truth.
I’m going to Scotland in two days on a trip we can’t really afford (first world problem, sob story, I know). Following my heart feels so right sometimes, and so hard at others. I know what to do on days like this, self care. No big decisions. Stick with myself through it. Take a break. Get support.